i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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