Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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