I smell stomach acid.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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