I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
