Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
