Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
