You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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