it was like his penis was on wheels.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
