stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
