shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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