When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
