plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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