She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
