areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
