Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
