Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
