he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
