Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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