My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
