I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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