your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
