you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
