There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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