your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
