Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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