Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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