ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
