Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
