Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
