You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
