when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
