the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
