dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
