just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
