I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I supernannyed him into submission
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
