Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
