I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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