I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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