i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
