Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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