It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she pinky promised me she was 18
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
