you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
FUCK WHALES
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