her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
