As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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