drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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