D3 body, D1 cock
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
