"it" just moved
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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