i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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