I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
