Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
