you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it š
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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