The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You're a waste of cheezeits
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
