I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize