***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so explain again why im purple
no
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
