Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
one might say we're banned from that church
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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