Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
