I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
foreskin is a definite game changer
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize