They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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