So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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