my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
They have beer where we have blood.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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