dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
