New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
