how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
