do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
