i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
