You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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