My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
