NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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