I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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