fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize