My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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