I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is wine microwaveable?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize