Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
