I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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