First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
