he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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