Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
