I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
