why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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