**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
