i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
