This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
