we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
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