Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
