The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
