STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
