I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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