btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
