Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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