i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
