I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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