Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
