Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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