so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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