she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
