smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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