Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
