you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize