My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
