Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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