I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
