We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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