"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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