She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
