Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
