Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
