just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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