We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
