There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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