I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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