Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
