we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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