It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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