Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
