i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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